Monthly Archives: June 2009

We live in a very judgmental culture. This shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, considering our Puritan roots. But with the advent of the Web, and particularly blogging, I have noticed a lot of judging and reacting going on. Bloggers post about how their personal choices are judged by others; commenters jump in with their own judgments. It seems endless.

Just in the past few months, I have seen blog posts complaining about being judged on all of the following decisions:

• not to have children
• to have only one child
• to have many children
• to work and put children in daycare
• to stay at home with the children
• mothers using their children’s photos for the profile pictures on Facebook (one of the sillier examples)
• to eat a vegetarian diet
• to eat organic foods
• to eat local foods
• to eat at McDonald’s
• not to own a television
• to watch television
• to watch particular television shows

And it goes on and on.

I think there are two underlying reasons for so much judgment. One is personal: The judger is insecure about their own personal choices, so when yours are in opposition, they see that — often erroneously — as a judgment by you on them. For instance, if you declare that you don’t own a TV, those people who do own a TV and feel bad about how much television they watch might see your statement as an indictment on what they do. Even if you never intended it that way.

The other reason is societal. Judgment is a very effective means of getting people to adhere to societal norms. Deviance is punished by public shame, with the intention of avoiding oh-so-scary change. Turn on any morning news show or cable news network and you will see a lot of judgment going on, for this very reason.

You can’t change the judgers. It’s futile to even try. I have found a much more effective means of dealing with them: Cultivate blissful ignorance. Simply ignore the snide comment or disapproving glance that may or may not have been sent your way. Soon enough, you’ll stop seeing them altogether. Have confidence in your choices, and discount the opinions of everyone else, except those of your nearest and dearest, the people in your circle whom you really trust. It doesn’t really matter what strangers think. And you’ll be much happier if you just don’t care.