Tag Archives: Blogs

Have we come a long way, baby? Image via Wikipedia

The most interesting reading in the New York Times Magazine this past Sunday was this little article titled “The Femivore’s Dilemma” in a direct homage to Michael Pollan‘s tome, The Omnivore’s Dilemma.

Posit: Once upon a time, women raised kids and took care of the home and were generally unsatisfied.

Posit: The feminist movement made it possible for women to go out and get jobs they can’t stand so they can work too much and never get to see their families, just like men. Now no one is taking care of the home, and everyone gets to feel equally unsatisfied.

Posit: In the modern-day “Mommy Wars,” you are either a Stay-at-Home mommy or a Working Mother. There is no middle ground. And you can absolutely not relate at all to someone who would make a different choice than you.

And that’s where we stand today.

I consider myself to be a feminist. When my son was born, I quit my job (and I have to admit that I wasn’t all broken up about that decision either) to take care of him full-time. Since I will probably only have one child, I considered this to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, one that both my son and I will benefit from. Meanwhile I have the rest of my life to work, sigh. But I did not feel like I had to turn in my feminist card at the door, and I completely reject the label of “stay-at-home” mom (or the more insipid SAHM).

According to the NYT Magazine piece, there are plenty of other highly educated moms who have followed the same route. I do recognize something of myself in the article. For example:

A generation and many lawsuits later, some women found meaning and power through paid employment. Others merely found a new source of alienation. What to do? The wages of housewifery had not changed — an increased risk of depression, a niggling purposelessness, economic dependence on your husband — only now, bearing them was considered a “choice”: if you felt stuck, it was your own fault.

It seems that today’s feminist feels a tad guilty about just staying home with the kids. So they become 21st century homesteaders, raising chickens and stuffing sausages and brewing their own beer and whatnot. They turn into “radical homemakers,” or to use the article’s cute term, “femivores.”

All of this extra, probably unnecessary hard work lends enough cachet to the non-employed-for-money mother that she no longer has to feel ashamed of stepping out of the rat race just to take care of the kids (which is hard enough, believe me). I don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking on some of the lost domestic arts, if they provide enjoyment and a feeling of self-sufficiency. What I do take issue with is the notion of doing so to justify to other feminists the choice of dropping out of the standard career path.

Why can’t we embrace the middle ground, which is where I find that most of us live in the real world anyway? Some of us feminists don’t have any interest in breaking the glass ceiling. We get exhausted just thinking of power suits and power lunches. We’re not cut out for it. But neither are we entirely willing to tie a kerchief around our heads and go muck out the chicken coop either.

There should be room for all kinds of women and all kinds of ways to choose to live your life. And your choices don’t have to be a statement, whether for feminism or for so-called traditional values. They can just be your life. Enjoy.

P.S. Another article that caught my eye was in the style section. It was about “mommy bloggers” (another odious term), their conferences and brand-building and the general professionalization of motherhood now that we’re all on social networks. Here’s my question: Do we really have to commoditze everything? I understand that it’s nice to make a few extra bucks, but is it worth it to turn your every experience with your children into something that’s for sale? Or to chase after free swag to the detriment of your relationships? (True confession: I have one “mommy blogger” friend who I have stopped following on Twitter because I could no longer take her incessant PR-fueled tweets.) Well, if you ask me, the whole world of “mommy blogging” has become so infested by marketing shills, it’s hard to find anything authentic there anymore.

The Femivore’s Dilemma (New York Times)
Honey, Don’t Bother Mommy. I’m Too Busy Building My Brand. (New York Times)